The Schahriar Syndrome
by Calypso Diangelos
Summary: Jealousy? Lex isn't jealous - he doesn't even know what jealousy is. Of course, he doesn't hate women either. And Clark? Who's that. Clex


**The Schahriar Syndrome  
**By Calypso

Summary: Jealousy? Lex isn't jealous - he doesn't even know what jealousy is. Of course, he doesn't hate women either. And Clark? Who's that. Clex

Disclaimer: Me no own.

~ ~ ~

Lex Luthor hated women. Lillian died on him, Desiree tried to kill him, Victoria used him, Helene betrayed him. There were only two women in the Universe Lex even remotely trusted. Neither held his romantic interest. Neither could possibly survive the world of deceit he had been born into. Both seemed determined to torture him to death.

"Happy Birthday Clark!" Today, the two women, Lana Lang and Martha Kent, sat side by side at a kitchen table besides a half devoured cake, each with a brightly wrapped present in hand. For his part, Clark seemed genuinely surprised. By the door, unnoticed, Lex wore a deer-in-headlights expression as he walked in. Fleetingly, he felt like a hockey player that had accidentally stumbled into the rink during figure skating season. Obviously, arriving on time was overrated

"But... the cake... and lunch..." Chloe and Pete had jest left, the entire morning had been spent with Clark's closest teenage friends at the Kent family residence.

"Open the gifts and say thank you Clark." Lex chimed in from the door, leaning carefully against the frame. The sooner Clark did this, the sooner they could get out of here. It was Clark's birthday, Lex had an outing in Metropolis scheduled - he didn't plan on being late. Nodding sheepishly, Clark reached for the presents, opening Lana's first.

Lex watched him as Clark tore away the fire engine red wrapping paper, enjoying the anticipating look and the overall view. When he finally did get the paper off, his eyes lit up. "Thanks Lana, I love this!" Craning his neck slightly, Lex finally managed to see what it was that the boy had gotten. "The one in my room has been broken for ages!"

An alarm clock.

A perfectly useful, non-frivolous, not at all expensive _clock_.

Lana had given Clark a clock - and apparently the boy loved it. 

Lex tried not to frown, he tried not to look annoyed. Silently, he wondered if Lana realized that in most Asian cultures giving someone a clock - especially on their birthday, signified that you were counting the seconds until their death. How tasteless. At least, he tried to convince himself that this was why he wanted to frown. After all, it had NOTHING to do with the fact that Lana had managed to get a brighter smile out of Clark than Lex had.

Putting the box down, Clark had reached for Martha's present and immediately unwrapped it as well. "I saw you looking at them the other day. Your dad figured you could use some new ones." Clark smiled, got up and hugged his mother without a word. By the door, Lex stood blinking. 

_SNEAKERS?!?!_

And not even designer sneakers. Average, everyday, department store sneakers like the kind that Lex sent to kids in third world countries whenever LuthorCorp needed a little publicity. Lex could've bought Clark a million pairs of those sneakers - heck, a million pairs of much better sneakers. Inwardly he began to seeth. At this moment, he HATED Martha Kent, Lana Lang, and EVERY woman on earth.

Lex didn't acknowledge the emotion as jealousy, after all, why would he be jealous of his best friend 's mother? Certainly not because she'd gotten a hug for her present when Lex had only gotten a polite thank you. No, not at all. 

"You ready to go?" Lex put on a smile, straining to do it. 

"Sure, just give me a second." In another thirty, Clark reappeared with a jacket on. Bidding Lana and Martha goodbye, he followed Lex out the door. 

"Have fun at the basketball game!" Was all Lex heard as they stepped onto the porch. 

Outside, a new Ferrari waited. "Let's go." Lex settled into the drivers seat, barely giving Clark time to get into the car before he put his foot on the pedal, as soon as they were out of the Kent farm's view (which, thanks to Kansas' flat terrain, was a torturously long time for Lex,) he began to speed up - pushing the car until it was well over a hundred miles an hour. 

"Uh... Lex?" Clark sounded nervous, Lex ignored him. Why the hell had he trapped himself into this? Now he would have to spend the rest of the day with Clark, looking at Clark, smiling at Clark. This day was not going as planned. Mentally, Lex went over the day's itinerary, dinner, the game, then back to Smallville. It sounded easy - until Lex added up the hours. "Lex?"

It had all started innocently enough, three weeks ago Clark had mentioned that his birthday was the day his adoption was formalized - today. So, Lex had spent at least half of his day, every day, for at least two weeks trying to find the perfect present. Nearly impossible by Luthor standards considering that he knew Clark would never accept anything over two hundred dollars and Jonathan probably wouldn't let him accept anything costing more than one hundred dollars. At last, Lex had settled for courtside tickets to the first game of the NBA playoffs. 

"Uh... Lex?" Still, the voice didn't register. Lex was too busy ranting to himself.

A week ago, he had given those tickets to Clark. He had gotten a polite 'thank you' and eager acceptance to go to the game with Lex - which incidentally, fell on his birthday. Somehow, courtside tickets had been trumped by a pair of sneakers and an alarm clock. AN ALARM CLOCK. ""LEX!" finally, Clark's voice broke through. Oh. 150 MPH. Right. 

Suddenly, Lex was angry. Very very angry. More than angry. He slammed his foot on the break, 150 to 0 in under two minutes. If Clark had been anyone else, he might've had a heart attack. 

"That's **it**! We need to get this sorted out." Lex practically screamed as he tore off his sunglasses; Clark stared in shock. "I'm turning into Schahriar and I doubt either of us want that. SNEAKERS?!?! Why sneakers?!?! of all the things in the world you had to smile that brilliant smile of yours for a pair of department store sneakers that I wouldn't wear if I were paid to!"

Clark was startled, Lex ignored the blinking.

"Sneakers - you liked sneakers more than courtside tickets. Does it COMPLETELY escape your notice that when you buy basketball tickets for the person you're in love with you expect them to be better received than s_neakers_?" Clark blinked again.

"In love?" He was ignored.

"And the clock. What was Lana thinking? I expect you to throw that thing out. I'll give you money to go buy a new one but a _clock _as a gift? It's a freaking omen of death - and on your birthday no less."

"Can we rewind to the part about 'person you're in love with'?" Clark's eyes were wide, he wasn't sure he had heard correctly. He was fighting a smile and hoping he had.

"You know what your problem is? You're too damn hard to shop for. It took me TWO WEEKS to decide on those tickets - do you know how HARD it is to get courtside tickets to the playoffs a WEEK before the game? Of course, it** had** to be the tickets. You wouldn't have known what to do with a Rembrant - and you're too damn stubborn to ever accept a car. Even though I know I KNOW you want one!"

"Wait... Lex... love?" Clark was beginning to think that Lex was on something.

"Stupid birthdays, stupid presents, stupid... women." Lex finally ran out of breath, and stopped to take air into his lungs.

"Women?" 

"Yes, women. Women as in Lana Lang and Martha Kent - who you hugged and smiled for and said more than thank you to." Lex stopped again, suddenly realizing that he had completely gone out of his mind and spilled his guts in a way he hadn't done since he was six. "I. Hate. Women." 

Clark smiled, a slow smile. Almost a grin. "I'm glad." He leaned in for a kiss - not too fast, not slow enough to give Lex time to pull away. Suddenly, the car wasn't parked in the middle of a deserted freeway. Nope. Lex had obviously landed on cloud nine. 

Lex Luthor loved women. Lillian for giving birth to him, Desiree for getting out of his life, Victoria for leaving, Helene for giving him a reason to have his marriage annulled. Lex Luthor loved women.

~ Fini ~

AN: Well, this is my first attempt at happy Clex. I'm usually an angst sort when it comes to writing. If the characters are OOC, I apologize. I tried. Lemme know what you think - please review! I guess it's slightly AU but if ya'll would like to play with the space time continuum we can switch baseball season with basketball season and place this fic in the first half of season three.

Also, Schahriar is Scheherazade's husband... and if you don't know who that is you've either been living under a rock or you need to go to the library and take out '101 Arabian Nights"


End file.
